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Umngazi 2011/2012 Holiday

So my Holiday has come to an end – and what an amazing one it has been, I am feeling relaxed, energized and ready for 2012!

I’m not sure how I am going to keep this post short because I had such an amazing time 🙂

Coming home every year to my parents is amazing – although I am not sure how much longer I will be able to come for a full three weeks every year, maybe 1 week at home and 2 weeks overseas? 🙂

I arrived home on the 18th December after my Mom’s Bday from East London (I hate that place – it is backwards and just plain sif; but that is a completely different story on its own!)

Someone call cow spotter... Lame! haha

The weather was great most of the holiday!

My two little sisters were absolutely ecstatic to see me again (yes they are indeed recognised as my sisters), we have had Picasso and Black Patch since we lived in Zimbabwe and they are gorgeous with two insanely awesome personalities! My CharlieC wouldn’t know what to do around them.

Two little brat sisters!

Unpacked and as white as a sheet I was ready to get my Holiday at Umngazi started!

My 1st couple of days I spent getting pampered at the Umngazi Spa – Mani, Pedi & Facial, which I also visited a few times again during the hol, let’s just be serious there are tons of colours one can paint their nails and I needed to have another facial before I went back to Jozi 🙂

Brightest colours I could find!

The first day I managed to get the beach, BLISS – the water and the sand was amazing! Now this story does not stop here, I started tanning and after a few minutes was no longer the only one on the beach – a Jesus like looking man and his ‘people’ joined me; they looked like typical Port St Johns specials, let me explain “Port St Johns specials” – this little ‘town’ in the Transkei is probably known as the biggest and best weed capital in SA and it is full of crazy little bars/shabeens that are called things like Jungle Monkey & Amapondo that have pot heads with dread locks sitting around openly rolling joints on the counters – I once just about ran screaming out Amapondo from the very sight… Anyway I am drifting – back to the beach 🙂

But first here are my fellow beach jollers 😉

'Jesus' leading his 'people' haha

I eventually fell asleep after being scarred for life by the “Port St Johns specials”’and their naked children that were frolicking in the water close to me. FAST ASLEEP! I was tanning on my stomach which meant I had undone the back straps of my bikini – what did I wake up to?

*MOOOOOOOOOO* Right in front of me stood a fat ass cow, I couldn’t even jump up I just lay there shouting; I am even chuckling right now as I think about the experience… Cow’s on the Transkei beach are a reality and I think it’s pretty cool even when they nearly very well give you heart failure 🙂

Death by this cow!

Of course my lily white ass got sunburnt so I got to enjoy a stunning spa bath up at the Spa with it’s breathtaking view… I went at least 4 times during the holi!

Umngazi Spa - Bliss!!

Every Saturday night there is a full on Seafood buffet at Umngazi, however since Saturday was Christmas eve dinner it was moved to the Friday and my parents were on duty so we went down for Seafood (prawns, langoustines, crayfish, mussels, fish and all sorts of other yummies! It also includes a full buffet of roasts and veggies etc. for those that don’t eat seafood and dessert… the food in this place never finishes) along with Seafood night comes the Pondo traditional dancing – what did my mom decide to do to me? She arranged that the dancers come to the table to make me dance with them FML – all I have to say is me and my blushing! It was great fun though 🙂

The pics are blurry but somewhere in that madness is me… dancing!

I wanted the floor to swallow me on the spot!

Christmas day was awesome and did the usual, worked and helped on Christmas eve in the dining room with 185 + service for dinner, Christmas day opened pressies with the parents and then every year my Dad dresses as Father Christmas and hands out gifts to the Hotel kids and we go give sweets to the local community kids 🙂

My Daddy!

I didn’t drink a lot in 2011, sure there was the occasional party but I never drink enough to get a hangover, I had a total of 2 hangovers in 2011 – one after a Crowne Comedy evening where I think I could have killed myself on red wine and the 2nd was after I won Graduate of the Year at GMs conference which resulted in my “Turning Point” article… Let me get to the point of this drinking paragraph – me myself and I decided to challenge my mummy on a Tuesday by offering her a TEQUILA – BIG MISTAKE! My mom loves Tequila and once she has had 1 she gets going, so my mom, Janine, Michelle and I started the Tequila…

I think I should only have had 1 soup of the day!

We made a song it goes like this (of course it doesn’t even rhyme or make sense but whatever):

1 Tequila’s not enough

2 Tequila we just getting started

3 Tequila is just not an even number

4 Tequila more!

5 Tequila is halfway to 10

And 6 Tequila… it just STOPPED there!

Needless to say I had not drank anything except 1 G&T earlier in the evening so I was feeling 100%, Michelle… went to bed halfway through breakfast the next day, my mom was grinning from ear to ear… she loves the stuff and Janine, well I joined her around the pool to catch a tan 🙂

I took it easy on the Wednesday, because I was damn tired… Come Thursday, I swear I am a sucker for punishment – back at the bar we were, once again drinking Tequila and no it didn’t stop at 6 each, we had managed to recruit another person and between the 5 of us had 13 Tequila’s each – in less that 1 hour, more than 1 bottle was consumed! I even managed to hoist my ass on the bar counter and dance on it, lol – it didn’t stop there I even started bar jumping! Trusting the entertainment manager Steve to catch me in his absolute drunken state, luckily for me he did 🙂

I usually NEVER drink when I go to Umngazi so the other guys & girls my age were absolutely shocked to see the above drinking ‘events’ from me. People were buying me Tequila for days after that!


Yes the next day I was feeling it; I slept it all off and the best cure was food, a coke, A LOT of H2O and Rehidrat 🙂 I have no idea when I can drink Tequila again…

I also chose to take part in the Umngazi Amazing Race ‘challenge’ (I was the oldest person there), one of the parents asked me to take part because her 6 year old son didn’t have a team… after 15 minutes I was the only girl in a team of 7 boys none older than 12… erm! Haha, it was great – except when I nearly drowned swimming across the Umngazi River and carried a 20 litre bottle of H2O around a tennis court! And yes our team came 1st 😉 that’s how I roll.

What else did I manage to get up to filling all the days between? Tanned, swam and walked on the beach 🙂

Tan sessions!

Braai with Parents on the beach, chops, bubbles, watermelon and fresh muscles off the rocks 🙂

Freshly braaied mussels & bubbles on the beach!

New Year’s was EPIC BRU! Haha, Cowboy’s & Indians was the theme and I went as a Cowgirl 🙂 We danced our asses off until 4 15am, this was the 1st year that I never made it till the sun risers beach crowd, but what an epic night!

Great friends were made!

Pretty much chilled, went to the spa and tanned for the remaining part of my holi’ 🙂

Umngazi River Bungalows you beauty, you never disappoint and I recommend this resort to any and everyone; single, engaged, honeymoon, families, friends, wedding venue, there is fun for everyone there. This was definitely a lazy holiday for me, previously I have snorkelled, fished, abseiled down a cliff into a gulley, ski-ed, been on a boat cruise, went horse riding… you get the picture right? Now go there!

Love the Transkei!

What’s the deal with the #RFPs?

Well – where do I start? You see I deal with business/corporate procurement #RFPs during the year at work, all these specific requirements  and specifications that need to be met in order to be selected by the company as their preferred Hotel.

Now my #RFPs started when I was in Bloemfontein for my 5th high school reunion in September this year. I had started chatting to guy that was studying in Bloemfontein at the Varisty, when he told me he was 26 and still living with his parents I thought to myself WTF? The hectic #RFP season at work really starts in September and ends roughly around the end of November, which seemed quite appropriate.  I then tweeted the below –

If you are out of Varisty and still dependent on your parents, your #RFP will automatically be rejected.

It all just started rolling on from there; I just randomly started tweeting these man #RFPs according to my personal taste in men, it was also just a fun thing at the time and obviously a complete joke ;). I probably had only 100 followers at this stage and soon people started replying to my #RFPs asking what exactly I was talking about; as my reference always used the corporate procurement definition, but did advise that I was indeed referring to BF requirements/preferences/no-nos.

Here are most of my favourites that I have tweeted over the last couple of months:

If you don’t watch Top Gear &/or @BearGrylls shows your #RFP will not be accepted

–       Are these not supposed to be ‘man’ programmes? 

Top Gear! Yeah 😉

If you think you are too old to be seen in a club or out having fun please do not even request a #RFP

–       Everyone needs to let their hair loose once in a while! (However you as a man should not have hair long enough to let loose). 

If the brick wall in my garden can make more conversation than you your #RFP will be ripped to shreds and peed on!

–       Don’t even bother, I’d rather stick needles in my eyeballs than attempt to make conversation with you. 

Like talking to a brick wall…

If you drive a car that is a “Panda” and has a dragon print sticker at the back your #RFP has already been declined…

–          I have seen the Panda car twice since 😉 it must be a sign!

If you attempt to do the #runningman dance when we at a club together your #RFP will be considered a joke just like that dance!

–          The running man dance… eek, funny to witness indeed! (Also known as shuffling)

If you think Port refers to the left side of a Ship & not the wine I will have to educate you before you can complete the #RFP…

–          I drink wine guys… a lot, so best you know what a good, no wait a great wine refers to!

No… not the Port side of a ship!

I watch Grey’s Anatomy so I know what to do… If you do not have faith in this… Your #RFP submission is fake and I won’t accept it…!

–          I am specifically well trained in mouth to mouth!

Mouth to Mouth… I’ll save you!

If your dog tries to mount my cat… Clearly there’s chemistry… The #RFP will match both of us just as well 🙂

 –          I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, I had obviously had too much wine to drink!

Your #RFP is a load of crap if all you had was hidden agendas.

–          Say what you want, I am not looking for someone that wants to f@ck around inside my head, my cat does that enough already with his Hyena antics!

If you have a uni-brow and you are not prepared to use a pair of tweezers or get a wax to sort it out you may not complete a # RFP

 –          Seriously guys, groom yourselves!

If you try force me to “just taste” your whiskey I will draw a black line on the respect page of your #RFP

–          I just DO NOT like whiskey… ok? Stop trying to force it down my throat. Be a Gent (not an agent) and get me a glass of wine and you might get lucky later!

Should you think it ok to not put the lid back on the toothpaste… Your #RFP will be declined… I’m not in the mood to do training…

–          I can still deal with the toilet seat issue… but this is a no-no

If you make time for me even when your day is extremely busy, you clearly value this and your #RFP won’t even need to be completed…

 –          It amazes me, like in really amazes me how many men are getting this wrong – do you guys not know how much that one little message during the day can put the biggest smile on a girls face when she knows you are busy but you still took the time to just say hi?

Unless you can serve me 3 rounds of something great… & I’m not talking tequila your #RFP may be of no use to me! 😉

 –          I’ll take the Tequila as well thanks!

If your work is important to you and you take pride in it I respect that… You should complete a #RFP without a doubt!

–          ‘nuff said, I LOVE my work & so should you!

Oi! Stuck behind the 2nd “Panda” type vehicle this week… Clearly she allowed her man to complete a #RFP and they reproduced…

–          Yup there’s that bloody Panda again!

Men who have great taste in jeans will automatically be offered #RFPs…

–          Yes… I will actually come over and offer you a #RFP

If you have a problem with my cat #CharlieC staring at us when we getting busy you are not expected to complete a #RFP

 –          Yeah he’s kinky like that…

If you are the kind of man who enjoys the music on the Vida e Café playlist… I need to give you a #RFP because I may already love you…

–          Music… love love love

If you give me the evil eye in traffic when I am playing my “Pussycat Dolls” really LOUD – there may be a problem… Give me that #RFP back!

–          Music… love love love

If you go to the gym in your 10 year old holey shirt and you’ve got a hot ass &/or legs please complete an #RFP 😉 ha ha

 –          This one is dedicated to you @Grant_8_7

If you are that man I just drove past that was singing “Rihanna – Only Girl in the World”, pull your nuts out your back pocket… BUT no #RFP for you!

–          I’ll see you at the Gay Pride march in Jozi next year yeah?

If you kiss like a dishwasher/washing machine, I will personally draw a red line through your #RFP and hand it back to you… #moveon

–          If I wanted to make out with the dishwasher… I would. They are made for much more exciting things!

If you can’t appreciate my midnight madness… You are no fun and I’m not interested in your #RFP

 –          I probably woke up and tweeted this in the heat of the night…

If you are “that guy” that wears Salmon coloured shorts & has a mullet… You need to rethink certain things and also not complete a #RFP

–          There is only space for one of us that can wear Salmon coloured clothes in this relationship… and definitely no space for a Mullet!

Salmon coloured Skinny Jeans… Yes I DO have a pair!

If you are 26 and still getting “pocket money” from your parents then you seriously need to steer clear of me & my #RFPs

 –          Quite frankly darling… ask your mom to help you wipe your ass after you finish on the loo too!

Major issues with socks in the bed… Hmm, not sure if I should swipe the #RFP right out from under you… Actually I am really sure!

–          Socks to bed? Really?

So the above are just random “favourites” of mine,  I was really on a roll in September and the last couple of months there have been random #RFP tweets, but mostly it was more of a discussion around my crazy #RFP ramblings 🙂

Am I trying to find a BF through the above? No – certainly not the aim here, it just started off fun and it continues to be so. Am I 100% strict on the #RFPs and the requirements? No – but there are definitely some truths behind some of the madness’s of these postings.

Why post this article today? I have 2 days left of “#RFP season” and then it is December… I am fully in love with December and if by now if someone hasn’t found me then as I say it’s December and the fun loving beach, sun, waves, wine, spa treatments, and relaxation sessions that I will look forward to enjoying before the crazy New Year start!

Where do you submit your #RFPs to? Heck if I know… 😉

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