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Archive for the tag “submission is fake”

What’s the deal with the #RFPs?

Well – where do I start? You see I deal with business/corporate procurement #RFPs during the year at work, all these specific requirements  and specifications that need to be met in order to be selected by the company as their preferred Hotel.

Now my #RFPs started when I was in Bloemfontein for my 5th high school reunion in September this year. I had started chatting to guy that was studying in Bloemfontein at the Varisty, when he told me he was 26 and still living with his parents I thought to myself WTF? The hectic #RFP season at work really starts in September and ends roughly around the end of November, which seemed quite appropriate.  I then tweeted the below –

If you are out of Varisty and still dependent on your parents, your #RFP will automatically be rejected.

It all just started rolling on from there; I just randomly started tweeting these man #RFPs according to my personal taste in men, it was also just a fun thing at the time and obviously a complete joke ;). I probably had only 100 followers at this stage and soon people started replying to my #RFPs asking what exactly I was talking about; as my reference always used the corporate procurement definition, but did advise that I was indeed referring to BF requirements/preferences/no-nos.

Here are most of my favourites that I have tweeted over the last couple of months:

If you don’t watch Top Gear &/or @BearGrylls shows your #RFP will not be accepted

–       Are these not supposed to be ‘man’ programmes? 

Top Gear! Yeah 😉

If you think you are too old to be seen in a club or out having fun please do not even request a #RFP

–       Everyone needs to let their hair loose once in a while! (However you as a man should not have hair long enough to let loose). 

If the brick wall in my garden can make more conversation than you your #RFP will be ripped to shreds and peed on!

–       Don’t even bother, I’d rather stick needles in my eyeballs than attempt to make conversation with you. 

Like talking to a brick wall…

If you drive a car that is a “Panda” and has a dragon print sticker at the back your #RFP has already been declined…

–          I have seen the Panda car twice since 😉 it must be a sign!

If you attempt to do the #runningman dance when we at a club together your #RFP will be considered a joke just like that dance!

–          The running man dance… eek, funny to witness indeed! (Also known as shuffling)

If you think Port refers to the left side of a Ship & not the wine I will have to educate you before you can complete the #RFP…

–          I drink wine guys… a lot, so best you know what a good, no wait a great wine refers to!

No… not the Port side of a ship!

I watch Grey’s Anatomy so I know what to do… If you do not have faith in this… Your #RFP submission is fake and I won’t accept it…!

–          I am specifically well trained in mouth to mouth!

Mouth to Mouth… I’ll save you!

If your dog tries to mount my cat… Clearly there’s chemistry… The #RFP will match both of us just as well 🙂

 –          I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, I had obviously had too much wine to drink!

Your #RFP is a load of crap if all you had was hidden agendas.

–          Say what you want, I am not looking for someone that wants to f@ck around inside my head, my cat does that enough already with his Hyena antics!

If you have a uni-brow and you are not prepared to use a pair of tweezers or get a wax to sort it out you may not complete a # RFP

 –          Seriously guys, groom yourselves!

If you try force me to “just taste” your whiskey I will draw a black line on the respect page of your #RFP

–          I just DO NOT like whiskey… ok? Stop trying to force it down my throat. Be a Gent (not an agent) and get me a glass of wine and you might get lucky later!

Should you think it ok to not put the lid back on the toothpaste… Your #RFP will be declined… I’m not in the mood to do training…

–          I can still deal with the toilet seat issue… but this is a no-no

If you make time for me even when your day is extremely busy, you clearly value this and your #RFP won’t even need to be completed…

 –          It amazes me, like in really amazes me how many men are getting this wrong – do you guys not know how much that one little message during the day can put the biggest smile on a girls face when she knows you are busy but you still took the time to just say hi?

Unless you can serve me 3 rounds of something great… & I’m not talking tequila your #RFP may be of no use to me! 😉

 –          I’ll take the Tequila as well thanks!

If your work is important to you and you take pride in it I respect that… You should complete a #RFP without a doubt!

–          ‘nuff said, I LOVE my work & so should you!

Oi! Stuck behind the 2nd “Panda” type vehicle this week… Clearly she allowed her man to complete a #RFP and they reproduced…

–          Yup there’s that bloody Panda again!

Men who have great taste in jeans will automatically be offered #RFPs…

–          Yes… I will actually come over and offer you a #RFP

If you have a problem with my cat #CharlieC staring at us when we getting busy you are not expected to complete a #RFP

 –          Yeah he’s kinky like that…

If you are the kind of man who enjoys the music on the Vida e Café playlist… I need to give you a #RFP because I may already love you…

–          Music… love love love

If you give me the evil eye in traffic when I am playing my “Pussycat Dolls” really LOUD – there may be a problem… Give me that #RFP back!

–          Music… love love love

If you go to the gym in your 10 year old holey shirt and you’ve got a hot ass &/or legs please complete an #RFP 😉 ha ha

 –          This one is dedicated to you @Grant_8_7

If you are that man I just drove past that was singing “Rihanna – Only Girl in the World”, pull your nuts out your back pocket… BUT no #RFP for you!

–          I’ll see you at the Gay Pride march in Jozi next year yeah?

If you kiss like a dishwasher/washing machine, I will personally draw a red line through your #RFP and hand it back to you… #moveon

–          If I wanted to make out with the dishwasher… I would. They are made for much more exciting things!

If you can’t appreciate my midnight madness… You are no fun and I’m not interested in your #RFP

 –          I probably woke up and tweeted this in the heat of the night…

If you are “that guy” that wears Salmon coloured shorts & has a mullet… You need to rethink certain things and also not complete a #RFP

–          There is only space for one of us that can wear Salmon coloured clothes in this relationship… and definitely no space for a Mullet!

Salmon coloured Skinny Jeans… Yes I DO have a pair!

If you are 26 and still getting “pocket money” from your parents then you seriously need to steer clear of me & my #RFPs

 –          Quite frankly darling… ask your mom to help you wipe your ass after you finish on the loo too!

Major issues with socks in the bed… Hmm, not sure if I should swipe the #RFP right out from under you… Actually I am really sure!

–          Socks to bed? Really?

So the above are just random “favourites” of mine,  I was really on a roll in September and the last couple of months there have been random #RFP tweets, but mostly it was more of a discussion around my crazy #RFP ramblings 🙂

Am I trying to find a BF through the above? No – certainly not the aim here, it just started off fun and it continues to be so. Am I 100% strict on the #RFPs and the requirements? No – but there are definitely some truths behind some of the madness’s of these postings.

Why post this article today? I have 2 days left of “#RFP season” and then it is December… I am fully in love with December and if by now if someone hasn’t found me then as I say it’s December and the fun loving beach, sun, waves, wine, spa treatments, and relaxation sessions that I will look forward to enjoying before the crazy New Year start!

Where do you submit your #RFPs to? Heck if I know… 😉

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